Personality

Last weekend was the Women and Spirituality Conference in Mankato again. I've been every year (except the year I was in Guatemala) since Nancy taught the High Priestess. This year, she taught the Wheel. (For those of you who know me well, work out the irony of me missing the Lovers.)

I love the conference, I love the people, I love the atmosphere, I love spending time with family and friends. It's always one of the best weekends of my year. Plus, I get to read more and learn more Tarot! And get exposed to things I've never heard of, such as dowsing.

For the last few years, I've brought my cards and done readings and the Blessing and Breathing Center table. I don't do many readings in a year - this is Minnesota, spit in any direction and you'll hit a reader of some kind, especially at the Women and Spirituality Conference - but I always know the ones I do are because I was exactly where I was supposed to be for exactly the person I was supposed to be there for.

My cards do not act like cards that only get about twenty uses a year, however. Go into a room full of all Tarot people, and saying your decks have personality gets you a sagacious nod. Say something like that at your office, and they call the men in white coats. Still, they have distinct personalities, especially my three or four reading decks.

At the conference last weekend, I'd set up my little table with the New Star deck, the Tarot of Transformation deck, and the Legacy of the Divine deck. I read with those three almost exclusively now. The New Star was sitting furthest to a left. A friend of mine and Nance's came over and set her coffee down on the little reading table.

Now, I can "hear" them, sort of like a little echo in my head. I knew the New Star, my harsh grandmother deck, was annoyed. It is a relatively rare occasion for someone to admit to me that they can hear them, too. About thirty seconds after the coffee went down, up the cup went again. Apparently, my New Star deck gave one heck of an energy flash about it.

I thought it was hilarious. It was also nice to know it wasn't just me who "heard" them.

Balance - The Scales

Tarot likes to come find me even and especially if I don't go find it. Ironically, this would usually be my "busy season" where Tarot is concerned. Yet adding health issues to the scale has completely thrown off that delicate balance and as a result, many things came tumbling off.

I have a lazy way of playing Hidden Object games as a kind of calming method. Hidden Object game makers are very fond of putting Tarot cards and signs of the Zodiac (I've caught a lot of Rider Waite, but surprisingly also a lot of Ciro Marchetti - I hope they're using his stuff with permission!) especially in the very popular "thriller" or "scary" Hidden Object games (insane asylums, urban legends, abandoned haunted towns with a tragic history are very, very big). The last game I played, the Libra sign was everywhere (just goes to show even in tech land, you can't escape synchronicity).

My rising sign is Libra. You'd think that would mean I had an easier time with balance. Ha, not so much. I actually end up gravitating toward the darker side of the sign. Rigid resistance to change. The whole world getting thrown out of whack if one thing goes to pot. Supposedly, I'm air, air, air. Gemini, Libra Rising, Aquarian Moon. You'd think with all that air, I'd just naturally flow with things, like the element. You'd think.

Instead, my health went whacky, I missed 2 of my book deadlines, I've really pulled back socially, I blew my diet, and everything feels like it's gone completely out of control.

Enter Libra. Like the knock of a kindhearted Jehovah's Witness. "Mel, I know it may be against your religion right now, but have you given thought to getting your life back in order?"

Sounds simple. Pleasant even. It's really trench warfare fought against yourself. Sometimes it feels like you're gaining and losing the same trenches over and over again.

But, the signs are right. It is time for another forward offensive.

I say good luck and fair winds to the rest of you who are fighting the good fight to keep the balance. It's not as easy as it sounds!

I'm Not Dead Yet!

I think I might live! Just kidding. I've been told I'm being unusually quiet (2 months, wow!). I feel like I've lost at least a month. Seriously.

Starting at the end of May, I started having attacks of vertigo. The one in mid June took me out of commission for more than two weeks. Reasons are still being investigated, but we have found out I need bifocals (yes, at the age of 29). Hopefully, that will take care of the headaches, which have lingered, and all will be well in Mel land once more.

7-10 business days from now.

So, until then, with you in spirit if not in blog.

-Mel

The Tower

Those who know me well, especially those who know me well as a reader, know I have a very personal relationship with The Tower. I pull it, and encounter it, over, and over, and over again. One would think this is because I haven't quite learned or ingrained the lessons of this particular step of the journey and thus need to repeat it.

You might be surprised to know I have never viewed it this way. I think some teachers on the Fool's Journey have more than one thing to teach you, and that one should not be afraid to return for more schooling. The High Priestess is hardly the only temple you should be able to return to again and again to receive new insight.

Heck, I visit Kali a lot more than I visit my High Priestess. Judge that whatever way you will, but I have learned many important things from my return visits to The Tower:

1. Sometimes everything has to fall down at once and sometimes it doesn't. Remember when things feel like they're falling apart that not every structure in your life has become weakened, unhealthy, or has outlived its usefulness. Your life is a series of constructions, and usually, they wear out one at a time. Don't burn the village just because the roof caved in on the town hall.

2. Don't be afraid of the leveling earthquake or of Pompeii. Before the phoenix comes the ashes.

3. Sometimes you need to take it apart to see what's inside.

4. Courage and character are not tested or acquired in happy rose gardens. What defines you are the choices you make when the storm comes.

5. If you decide you're tired of building with the same materials, try some new ones. You might surprise yourself.

I hope The Tower proves to be as rich a mine of wisdom to you as it has to me. What revelations has The Tower given you?

May Angels Send You Home

It is a sad week for those of us who attend the Women and Spirituality Conference every year in Mankato. We have been missing, for two years now, a familiar face. This last week, our favorite angel painter, Paul Klages, died after a long struggle with cancer.

Paul was a gifted artist and a great human being and a friend of the Blessings and Breathing Center. His angel artwork was inspiring and uplifting.

He will be greatly missed, both from the Mankato conference and from our lives.

Another Gray Day

My gramma tells me that my grandpa used to say "another gray day" a lot to describe the weather - we are, after all, Minnesotans & this describes 70-80% of our weather. It may not be precipitating, but sometimes you wonder if the sun is ever coming back.

I don't like the expression because it reminds me too much of how depressions feels, like fingernails down the chalkboard of my past. One must understand the phrase is uttered with a kind of stalwart powerlessness - it's gray today, it was gray yesterday, it's going to be gray tomorrow, and we just have to put up with it and soldier on.

I won't lie and say I no longer have depression. I don't know if one is ever "cured" of it. I'm beginning to suspect it's a chronic disease. Most of the time, I am simply happier, better equipped to deal with the low points, and more hopeful about the high points yet to come.

But, this whole week has been "another gray day" inside and out. And I find that incredibly frustrating. It affects how I interact - or don't interact - with people. It affects what I eat - and shouldn't be eating. It affects my motivation to write, my motivation to do anything, really. I just went to see King Tut yesterday and was, for the most part, nonplussed. Not because it isn't incredible, but because everything I feel about anything is muted by a dark cloud. I hate being here because I work very hard, all the time, to not be. And don't even get me started on "fair" and "not fair," I could rail at the Heavens until Judgment Day.

It's Easter and I have absolutely no desire to go see family. Honestly, when I get this way, I don't know if the feeling this way is worse than the pretending to be happy. If it were Thanksgiving, I suppose I would say I am thankful that this doesn't happen as often as it used to, that this is a surprisingly low slump that has not had an equal in three years, and that is something to be very grateful for. But this is Easter, about new beginnings, rebirth, glory, rising. And I seem to have backpedaled. What's the message there?

Still, I am hopeful tomorrow will be sunny, and I hope everyone else's Easter is a happy one.

The Non-Threatening Introduction to Tarot

Last night we had a lovely Women's Gathering at the Center. The theme was "Let Your Soul Sing," and Suzi crafted an original meditation designed to help you get in touch with your spirit and let it let out its unique sound. It was really a lot of fun (Tre's approach was laughter, and it was infectious!).

The lovely Woman Warriors (as I like to call them) who show up at every function and gathering we ever throw (small but proud core group who really know how to represent) formed a little klatsch after the other women had filtered out, and we got down to the nitty gritty of how we would throw our Psychic Spa. Basically, we wanted to showcase the gifts the organizers & core members of the Center have & were thinking of doing a Psychic Spa in May for the Women's Gathering. Our perennial problem is that we have the largest number of people show up for events where we have contracted in outside talent (past life regressionist, soul painter, etc.), when we have staff members (like me) who host/chair/perform at Women's Gathering with nary a peep of response. *sad face*

It is rather costly do get outsiders to come in and present (not to mention the "but... but... hey, I'm gifted!" element that I think Karen & I especially get a little pouty about) when we could be raising more funds if we could keep most things in house (funds we use to do things like outreach, supporting the annual breast cancer walk, cover the cost of feeding everybody... cover the cost of feeding everybody...), but we just aren't raising the interest in our own internal offerings that gets raised every time we have someone else in. This is a subject of many meetings, debates, and hair-pulling, as you can imagine.

Now, I have all kinds of theories running around my head as to why this is, but I experienced a new element last night that I had not taken into consideration. You might have to be from Hastings to understand how this works (or another "biggest little small town in America" - you know who you are), but I was talking to one of the women who I think I've seen only once before, and after she talked about how she uses a pendulum and talks to her spirit guides and meditates, she asked me a very surprising question.

"So, does your mother support your... lifestyle?"

I should add that, in a circle of five energy-reading women, this question was directed at me.

I can't be sure, but I think my eyebrows may have hit my hairline. It took me a good fifteen seconds to figure out what "lifestyle" she was referring to (she had, after all, just finished describing her own journey with energy), then I finally got a little help from my more "with it" brain cells. *Tarot - cough - Tarot!* "Yes, she's very supportive," I said.

"Oh," the lady responded with what I interpreted as skeptical surprise. "Well, isn't that nice."

I don't know why it keeps surprising me that people have some very funny ideas about what is still "holy" (aka: will not prevent you from being a good, God-fearing, upstanding, Christian member of the community) and what is just plain kooky (aka: apparently ME).

God love my Warrior Women friends, right after the Gathering was over, and the Psychic Spa was being fleshed out, one of the first things they started talking about was how to make people understand how wonderful and non-threatening Tarot was. Most of them helped me out (probably with great uncertainty at the time) by being some of the first people I read for while doing my apprenticeship readings. They all love Tarot now. Two of them even got their own decks for the first time this week and are so in love with and excited about them (and I'm excited for the great relationship they're going to build with them, there's nothing like your first deck).

I appreciate the loyalty, and am so happy that they've seen the beautiful things I see about Tarot. And I worry, now more than ever, if one of the obstacles the Center is facing is not, in fact, me. I mean, as an ambassador for Tarot practice, I'm about as non-threatening as they come. I'm very Regular Joe at the Women's Gatherings. I consider myself to be a thoughtful, accepting, mostly laid-back person who gets to do this really exciting thing. I just keep forgetting that people, even people who have been introduced to and involved in other "New Age" stuff, still think Tarot is evil.

And I keep trying to think of the magic way I can dispell that. One of the Women Warriors suggested we do an exercise like we do to start the Psychic Study Group - each draw a card from a Tarot deck (I brought in my Crone deck for study group) to open the gathering or as a kind of check in. I keep hoping the longer I do this, read cards in the small town while still being that same person who helps out at the charity walk and writes children's books and comes from a good family, etc, etc, etc, the more of a dent I'll make in some of the crustier ideas.

We'll see. In all, I'm just glad there are a really strong, great group of people who are excited about Tarot and are supportive. I'll bet they'll make fantastic ambassadors themselves. Strength in numbers, eh?